IF I WERE TO WRITE EVERYTHING IN THIS BLOG IN ALL CAPS YOU MIGHT FEEL LIKE I AM SHOUTING AT YOU-LIKE I AM PERHAPS BEING TOO INTENSE, RIGHT? I know I would feel that way.
This is what it is like for many of us who are Autistic and ADHD/ADD being in the world that has everything turned up really loud, bright, with a lot of people, different smells, etc… Life feels like it is on over-drive….
For many Autistic and ADD/ADHD adults, our nervous systems often reside in sympathetic arousal in environments like this, where life is TOO MUCH: too loud, too many people, too intense of touch or other sensation, too bright, too much information. This is often the case inside the bedroom as much as outside the bedroom…
In reality, many of us don’t realize that the number one culprit is often sensory overwhelm and a lack of solid sensory hygiene when we are on the verge of having a panic attack, or yelling at someone (a loved one, co-worker, peer, etc), escaping (via video games, food, leaving, retreating to our rooms).
Likewise, we at times, may feel completely underwhelmed by a lack of sensory stimulation. We may find that we are bored by what we are hearing or listening to, not interested in what we are watching, not experiencing a strong enough sensation through touch, or that the person or information coming at us is, well, bleh.
Think about all of this ….the idea that you can experience sensory overload (sounds, lights, touch, etc are too much) as well as underwhelm (needing more touch, taste, sound, light) related to being sexual with either yourself or another person or persons (if you like to enjoy sexual play in groups). To think that sensory overwhelm or sensory underwhelm would affect you everywhere except when it comes to sex is ignoring a significant part of being a sensual, sensate being. By sensual and sensate I mean that we take in the world through our senses all the time. Including in the bedroom (or wherever you choose to have sex).
Indeed, our arousal templates are complicated. They are also dynamic and can evolve over time, meaning they can change depending on certain circumstances including as we evolve. Our arousal template is often intertwined with our sensory experiences; it is often interconnected with our sensory overwhelm or underwhelm (what we like and don’t like). We may find that when we are young adults, we enjoy soft touch or gentle pressure during sex, but as we get older, and as our bodies change (maybe we don’t feel things physically as intensely), we may desire more pressure during sex. This may help some enjoy plenty of sensation to elevate one’s body (and spirit if you practice sex in a more connected, sensual, and blissful way via Tantra) to experience an orgasmic release of utter bliss. We may also be ok with certain tastes and smells when we are first experimenting with sex, but as we get older we may not like the taste of arousal fluid or semen.
When it comes to being sexual, it is important to take into consideration that we at times may be more sensitive to sensory stimulation and at others may be less sensitive and require more sensory stimulation. The ebb and flow of your sensory experience and arousal template based on the circumstance and over time is quite common.
Take a moment and consider what you like/dislike related to sex and sensory experiences:
1 A- Pressured Touch/Thrusting (hard, rough, intense); B- Soft, gentle; not much pressure ; C- It depends on your mood, the person you are with
2 A- All Fluids (saliva, sweat, arousal fluid); B-Some but not all fluids; C-It depends on your mood, the person you are with
3 A-Soft Lighting during sex; B-Dark, baby-pitch black! C-I don’t care or I haven’t noticed
4- A-Music playing and/or sexual talk; B-No Noise at all; C- It depends on your mood
5- A-Tickling, touching, kissing before sex; B-Just get to sex; C-You like both-again it depends
These questions are not exhaustive. However, the goal is to begin to tune into what you like, dislike, what you need/want/desire sensory-wise, what arouses you sexually vs. not, and to be able to communicate with your partner (or partners, depending on your sexual preferences). Communication and curiosity are crucial as you explore sexual sensory hygiene so that your sexual experience is enjoyable, pleasurable and filled with bliss.
I want to gently invite you to take some time to consider why you answered the way you did; maybe explore journalling or better yet, if you are in a relationship, ask your partner answer these questions and talk about it. By being more aware of your sexual sensory experiences including what you like/don’t like related to your senses in the bedroom, my hope is that you will be able to share you sensory needs/wants/desires with your intimate partner(s) and they with you as well.
To Blissful Sexual Sensory Experiences~
Candice