Rejection sensitive dysphoria entails experiencing extreme emotional sensitivity and emotional pain. It often imitates mood disorders with suicidal ideation and can manifest as instantaneous rage at the person responsible for causing the pain (Dodsen & Saline, ADDitudeMag.com, 2022).

Until recently, I didn’t realize how impactful rejection sensitive dysphoria has been all my life as an Autistic person. I was facilitating a Neuro-Different Sexual Recovery group for men and showed this video by Jessica McCabe. As each of the group members shared, some through tears, I began to remember all the times when I have felt extreme emotional and physical pain at either real or perceived rejection to the point that at times I literally wanted to die. Prior to this group and video, I hadn’t quite recognized that the following were some of my experiences of rejection sensitivity since childhood:

  • Feeling like I was going to die after a break up with a friend or intimate partner (e.g., crying inconsolably, chest pain, difficulty breathing, moving, getting up in the morning, sleeping)

  • Wanting to die at feeling rejected by a partner

  • Feeling like I am having an “existential crisis” when someone leaves

  • Avoiding sleep overs, outings, activities with friends

  • Chronic fear of “burdening” others by having needs

  • Assuming I am going to be rejected by colleagues at work so automatically being defensive and ready to argue my points

  • Assuming I am going to be rejected by my partner so going into conversations as though it was a fight

  • Crying after giving an interview on a radio, podcast, or television show-feeling such a huge fear of rejection going into the interview that I brace for impact then cry afterwards

  • Being, feeling defensive when interacting online or in person; when I read feedback-especially because it is hard for me to understand things in writing (e.g., the intention of the other person).

Other examples of rejection sensitivity include:

Have a base fear of what people think

Fear of being alone but isolating for fear of rejection

Pain feeling “enormous” as a result of being judged or rejected

Being labeled as “too sensitive” or “drama” when in reality it’s fear of rejection all. the. time.

Getting angry and being “reactive” towards the other person when there is perceived rejection

Getting angry with oneself when there is perceived rejection

Self harm

This is not an exhaustive list and each person who is rejection sensitive has their own experiences of feeling the physical and emotional pain of being rejected either in real time or a perceived rejection.

In my work with Nero-different men who have problematic sexual behavior such as sexual compulsivity, pornography addiction, or chronic infidelity, there is a pattern of them experiencing real or perceived rejection and relapsing or going into an acting out cycle. For many, sexual acting out is transactional; paying for sex, strippers, web cam models, online sites where rejection is less likely to happen. This sensory seeking behavior (sex/orgasm/dopamine hits galore) eases the physical and emotional pain of being rejected in real-life by someone the person loves and cares about but also in general.

Healing from rejection sensitivity involves what Caroline McGuire recommends, here.

She discussed the 4 Rs:

RECOGNIZE: where you're at emotionally.

RESPOND:

with an appropriate strategy.

REFLECT.

what are the facts of what happened?

REFRAME:

What else could those facts mean?

For individuals who have trauma as the result of being rejected (which is most of us), I highly recommend trauma therapy —my top choices as a licensed therapist are Internal Family Systems therapy and EMDR. Healing the wounded, rejected parts of a person can help provide one’s internal system with updated, accurate data that they survived and to help see that in current situations rejection may not actually be imminent.

If you experience rejection sensitivity or rejection sensitive dysphoria, know that you are not alone. There is a lot of support. Reach out to me to inquire about how I may support you on your healing journey.

–Candice

photo credit: Unsplash.com, Dev Asangbam