I AM AUTISTIC…
… And this is what autism can look like. Actually, those of us who are autistic look all sorts of ways and often express our traits very differently.
It’s taken me over 40 years to accept that I am on the Autism Spectrum. Autism makes up every ounce of my being. It impacts the way I speak, hear and understand information, and if, when, and how I talk to people. It impacts all of my relationships, friendships, and working relationships. It affects my ability to focus, remember things, stay organized and complete tasks. It affects my ability to recognize and understand other people. It affects my ability to be present and pay attention to other people who are talking and sharing about the things they enjoy (I would rather focus on my special interests).
I have been nervous to share my story for quite some time. In fact, I have been terrified of sharing it for years. I have done my best to “mask” my autistic traits and to appear normal (as if there is such a thing). I have mimicked other people’s style (e.g., makeup, hair, clothing, the way they speak and act around others) in an effort to fit in with those around me. This has worked quite well professionally, however, personally I have been told by friends that I seem like a chameleon who shape shifts depending on what friends I am around. Oh, and speaking of friends, it’s not like I have a lot. I have struggled since early childhood with friendships. The main reason is that I don’t understand all the social nuances and rules around friendship. I am literal, blunt, struggle with understanding others’ perspectives, and I tend to be honest to a fault. All of this combined has historically pissed off most of my female friends, which has resulted in our friendships ending, sometimes rather abruptly. I have also been easily manipulated by friends and romantic partners, which is all too common for autistic individuals. I, as well as most of the autistic adults I know, are incredibly friendly. However, because many of us are socially awkward and struggle in various social settings, sometimes we will say or do things we don’t actually want to say or do simply to fit in.
Why write A blog about autism and related topics?
My purpose for writing this blog is to provide accurate information about autistic adults with various intimacy issues. We are not monsters, we are not anti-social, we are not predators, we are not all a-sexual, anti-sex, anti-relationships, or anti-intimacy! We are beautifully complex human beings who have a desire to connect in the unique ways that we choose.
Many autistic adults, advocates, licensed psychologists, clinicians, sex educators, sex therapists, sex offender providers, and in a few cases, attorneys, have asked me to share accurate information about autistic adults. So, this blog will hopefully be an informative place for all.
By the way, if you are also autistic and reading this, I especially want to welcome you. If you would like to be a guest blogger on my site, please email me!
If you are an autistic adult or parent of an autistic adult and need immediate resources and/or support, go to my autism and intimacy program for free handouts, our Spectrum of Love podcast (we welcome guests!), our Autism couples webinars, life skills web classes, and more!
Stay tuned for more soon…
Candice